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After 2 weeks...
I still wonder
Did I ever even cross his mind?
What a waste of me...sighs
I ignored all thes usual signs,not really knowing quite why
let you decide..yeah
aint it funny how im finding out now
it makes me laugh how i let you have your way,your say
I've got it now,so i'm asking you babe
Did I ever even cross your mind?
Cuz it's not the game of who is under the thumb
I think you took me for a ride
But I didnt see
I didn't even realize,boy, we were playing the game of who is under the thumb,
i think you took me for a ride
what a waste of time..oh oh
listening to Frou Frou now.....
Jessica .F came over on Friday,slept over,good time good time,we were
cleaning out of my closet,it was crazy,clothes burst out,volcano!i wore
a minnie mouse skirt over my pj pants,imao.I really do have a lot of
dramatic clothes and accessories.I figured out i had so many cool
clothes that i hardly ever wear...We were gonna make my closet
nice,but too bad,we were tired,so we just threw everything in and fell
asleep,talking.i had so much fun.thx jess<3muah!
My parents are selling this house,im upset.I've lived here since i
came.It sucks to move.I love my room.The smell,the balcony,everything
that happened in the room are now going to be history of my life.sounds
deep.I'll miss my door,my closet,the designs,the way how i ruin my wall
by sticking stuff on,the way how i place everything in the room,my
bed!!!OH NO!I dont 'want to
leave.FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
too much going on.
i hate my life.
and michaela,my super blonde friend,the one who's always there for me
since i came here.how im gonna live through this.the things we had been
through,robbing into someone's house just to get
food........omg............please,dont make this real.
I love this house...................................................................
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i love the attic!I love everything here.
changes can hurt.
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I was so stupid to think that maybe ONE second ...you cared?
Do I trust my mind...or my heart?
the mistakes that we make in our lives
make us grow
step up
get over it
move on
things always turn out to be better in the end
it doesn't matter anymore.......
im glad it's over.
it's friday and im sick
hmmmmm.......
hahahah i'll still go crazy
<33333
yay yay yay!
mug
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this is how i feel right now
----so let go
and let go ----
So here i go again,my cell phone has been turned off for two
fucking
days,im finally giving myself a little
rest,not staring at the phone,stare at the screen blankly waiting for
his reply,it's stupid.he isnt replying,or CALLING ME BACK
anyway,so screw that,his "few minutes" can be 3 fucking days.tomorrow
can be a week.i've lost my trust in him.which is good.i dont want to
wait anymore.He's a waste of time.He had been screwing
my life up way too much lately,for a week.and i dont think im really
over that yet.it had gone a little way too far.And at the end I just
wanna play....But what's with/in him that makes me want him so bad?the
sex?Maybe my
blonde friend is right,my mind's tricking meI'm really not sure
what the
fuck happened to our relationship,he suddenly hung me on a
string,stabbed me in the heart emotionally and left me there
bleeding.Not my fault..All I need is a phone call.Waiting.is so
painful.and as everyone knows i dont have the patience for that.but i
actually was,for him.what i did seems,sounds and looks so stupid..Fuck
it,please just ell me it's over and i'll thank him so much for doing
that
but no.OH he's a fag like i didnt know.And he'll forever stay in my
mind...Hopefully i will be forgetting about him these days,at least im
trying hard to.So no worries.Though it would be such a "set off" if i
see him at clubs/bars.
i hafta thank my friends again,for all those things they did for me..Being single,better off this way.
Today was pretty fun,Alice visited &yay,felt so relieved talking w/
her about shit again,as always.( hope you're not reading this,haha)!
Michael,came back from Singapore,he's the old funny retarded
Michael,and im glad..We chilled at the basketball
court after school.I had so much Lays chips...ah fat
happens..watever.hella fun<3wishing my life
IS really turning to the bright side..i bet it is gonna,.someday,it
just takes time.....time..is such a scary
thing...time kills.and i wish i could kill time.if i could go back to
where
i was 200 hours ago,i would be happy.
ATTENTION*
the reason i quit punxmug,it's because there's too many comments,people
come and go,and i have to go back and check it every other minute.i
wish i had the time.But believe me,i'll go back.=D i really like this
bitch here though,it's....original?i cant find the word.
the end.
mug<3
i want plain black vans shoes.so cute.
or this
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make it lasts
dont let it shiver
fate out.. your side
crystal tears melt from the eyes
ocean flies into the sky
Today wasn't that great,i had school b/c of this gayass chinese
national holiday.In the past 7 days,2 of them were sweet but other than
that.....haha,i was crying over a stupid guy....fuck..what we had
is now our history,in the past.I read back the posts i wrote earlier in
this xanga,reading those lines,every sweet things that i
heard,now became a miserable lie..Yesterday was the
last time i called,and might be the very last time that i'm ever gonna
talk to him again.BUT I CAN"T GET OVER
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELP
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS
MIGHT BE THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!!I'm
hopeless.fuckXXXXXX
I hate Shanghai and i want to leave.but where can I go?Nowhere!Am I
willing to leave all these things behind?I really want to right now,but
on the other hand i don't.It'll take time for me to get used to
everything again.I might move to Beijing next semester?If i stay,we're
gonna sell this super nice ass big house,or rent it.Then I might move
to Gubei.It's all so confusing......
he left me hanging,lying here,with me bleeding.
i want to stab him in the heart,make him cry,make him bleed...
hope everything's gonna be fine soon
but im sure i'll never forget about what he did to me.
it's all gone.
empty.so empty.it's not only him.there's so many question marks flowing in my head right now.major headache.
im gonna bounce.
fuck my life
runaway..
i want to runaway...........
shouting out loud--
don't say a place sucks when you've never ever been there before.What
you think is not what it is like.An image can lie,as always.
dont try to impress when you've got nothing to impress about,it's just lame.
right now i think the people who call people wannabes are the wannabes,isnt that so sad??
everyday of my life right now it's like rain on my wedding day.someone come and get me please.what happened to MUG?!
so pissed off right now.
one minute can change everything.EVERRYTHING.
low self esteem
<3mug
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i lost the anna sui eyelienar that i was holding up there.sad.
things are so different these days...there's too much happening around
me and inside me.in other words,im fucked up.very fucked up...I wish i
could go back to where it started,where everything started.But you
know,i was blind from the start.These days,i stay up late cuz i haf
holiday for a week.I stay up late every night just to talk my feelings
out online,crying out loud but the pain's still inside.Burning.So many
different emotions playing inside me.I cant stop them from ruining
me.Guys are all so stupid..throw rocks at them,burn them,burry them
alive!!This guy is being an ass,a major ass that kills my heart.He said
he would call but he never does.I guess i was just a victim for him.a
prey.a prey that got hunt easily by him.I'm the huntee.I feel so
stupid,i am stupid.I know it's already the past,but i still regret,with
thousands of analyzes that paralyze my broken soul.Love sucks.Everytime
i fall in love i get hurt in a month or two.or even in a week or a
day.Kids look so happy outside in my compound,playing,going high on
their scooters,screaming.I wish i was one of them,i wish i was still
innocent.Not that i'm so eve,but i wish i could just forget about every
little mistakes i made in my life for a few minutes,or maybe jsut a
second?He looked so hot from the back when he was naked,his eyes were
so blue that made me feel like i was in heaven,having sex.But no,after
3-4 days,everything is different.EVERYTHING.i look back at the msgs
that he sent me,so sweet.i know the kisses were real.i know the phone
calls were real.I cried so much.day and night.everytime it comes to my
mind,i want to stab him,so he bleeds and knows how exactly i feel.I
feel insane.I do.I got a hair cut today,i look like the lead vocals of
yeah yeah yeahs,my fav band,Karen!!!I dont look preppy anymore,i've
been lookin preppy for a month and i need a change.....I think i look
like shit though.i really hate everything that's happening to me right
now but im so thankful on the other hand that there are SOOOO many
people that care for me,truthfully.Different races of friends.i love
you guys so much!
I hate the world so much right now.my mind's messed up and i'm still confused after 4 days.i still am.
broke into pieces.
trying to pick them up,
glue them back
i'm back to the way
but these tiny holes
they will never go away
this is the pain
i think i'm gonna get over it soon.the new comes only when the old goes away.
that's life i guess.
life,the bitch!!!
im so happy that i can sing well,draw well.people admire my creativity
lots these days.all these compliments that flatter me.i sound
weird,that they flATTER me.but they do.i just cant find a better word
than that.where is my life going??i think i should really move on,i
should read more books,pratice piano,sketching skills,speech skills.
love is not everything afterall.
no..thats not it.
love is everything.
FUCK!
i made this for ruth<3i like it more than you do.lol.another tragedy.
i made this for ashes,it looks bad to me now,i can do better,so now im gonna work on it again...hahah my black framed glassessss
cant move on..
i try hard to
but i cant
i read back the posts i wrote 3 weeks earlier,2 weeks earlier,and one week earlier,so sweet........
......fuck this
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